VOICES OF YOUNG TAIWANESE AMERICAN WOMEN Compiled by Karen Y Lee 20 April 2007 |
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I interviewed a cross-section of second-generation Taiwanese women for the NATWA conference, asking questions from where they grew up, what their careers were, and what relationship did they have with their mothers. The ages of these young women range from 22 to 33, and they grew up and live all over the US and abroad. Some of the participants are here at NATWA, most aren’t. I’ve included the most varied and illuminating responses. Their answers shed light into the allusive identity of being a second-generation Taiwanese woman in this country.
1. Was there a strong Taiwanese American community where you grew up? Yes and no, I didn't realize we were "Taiwanese" until I got to college and realized the differences between Chinese/Taiwanese - then I realized how much of myself had been shaped by the strong Taiwanese/Taiwanese American community around me. I think we were the only Taiwanese American family in the whole town. I think my parents liked that. It seemed like a strong Taiwanese American community, but probably because my family was very actively involved in it. Not in the immediate city or area I grew up in, but there were areas about 15 - 45 minutes away with Taiwanese communities. I grew up in Taiwan. Didn't join TACL (Taiwanese American Citizens League) until high school at the end my junior year. Was first a participant, then worked on the youth conference as a staff. But to answer your question, not necessarily. Not in Warren, pretty strong in Columbus, OH. Yes, in LA (definitely not in Virginia ). My parents have always been very involved with the community, and we went back to Taiwan from time-to-time. While growing up, I also went regularly to a camp in Michigan for Taiwanese American kids (TAF).
2. What are you studying/what do you do for a living? I’m a Psychologist. My major was women's studies when I came to the US for graduate school in 1998. Now I work at the Taiwan Center in New York. At the same time I’m also learning to be a business women/ entrepreneur. I work for an Asian and Pacific Islander nonprofit as a program coordinator. I work for a non-profit organization called Enlace. We're a strategic alliance of 22 low-wage workers centers and unions in the U.S. and in Mexico. I do civil and human rights work with various nonprofit community-based organizations. I also teach Ashtanga yoga to children and adults. I am currently a senior in my final quarter at Northwestern University (Psychology/Business degree), and will be working for Procter & Gamble next year. I’m a Master’s student in Public policy. I’m a Master’s candidate in English Literature from Villanova University, with a Bachelor’s in Business from NYU. I am in pediatrics doing my ICU fellowship. I work for a Congresswoman in California , and will be attending law school in the Fall.
3. What is the best memory you have with your mother/older generation? I will always miss my mom’s cooking. And my mom always made us an after-school snack. She also took us kids for a midnight walk along Virginia Beach . When she’s happy, everyone’s happy. That we will laugh so hard over small stuff/incidents. We have such a good time laughing together while people around us just stare at us with a confused look (sometimes their confused expression make us laugh harder). Watching my mom cook dumplings. To see how much she still gives to our family and how much patience she has. She's very selfless. At my wedding, my mom recited a short poem in Mandarin and Taiwanese to wish my husband and me good fortune for the future. And then she gave me a big kiss and hug. There are so many great memories. One absolutely fun one was last year at the NATWA convention when all the mothers and older women formed a Congo line after the Taiwan night show and were dancing around the room like little girls. Such happiness and sheer joy! Just traveling to Taiwan when I was younger. Going to visit the great grandparents in the countryside and family in the city. Oh, one nice thought -- my grandfather's one and only trip to the States was for my high school graduation so that he could hear my speech. Didn't come for my older brother the year before, which was interesting... Best memory is driving to piano practice every Wednesday for 14 years. That was our quality time together, and on special days when we got really hungry, we ran to one of our favorite restaurants and shared a huge bowl of steaming Korean spicy seafood noodle soup and dumplings. Yum! She drove an hour each way to take me to a better school district so that I can have a better education. The hour drives with her were the best memory... for better or for worse. Spending time with my mother and maternal grandmother in Taiwan in their hometown, learning more about how they were raised, what their lives were like growing up, and how much of me comes from them.
4. What is the worst? When I was in junior and senior high, I thought she should “read my mind” (wow! Super power!) so I was mad when she could not guess correctly what I'm thinking. When she was worried when I was in a bad relationship in college (I was belittling myself in the relationship.) Comparing me to peers. Getting disciplined by my mom. My mom repeatedly telling me that my husband and I don't make enough money to support a family. (Now she has stopped doing that.) She slapped me on one of those hour drives. Worst memory is not being allowed to go and hang out with friends on specific weekends, or making me sit and practice when I wanted to go outside and play! LoL... my mom once hit me with a mahjong stick and it broke into pieces... it was cuz I signed my report card in 3rd grade. And forged her signature. I STILL have the bruise on my thigh.... By far the worst memory – and I’m sure we all have had them – are the fights. What I realize now and in hindsight is that much of what we argue about is just cultural differences. The way and times we were raised is extremely different. When my mom read my diary. Also, when she said there was nothing I could do to make her not disappointed in me. Probably the numerous shouting matches/scolding stemming from the pressure to succeed academically, starting at a young age, and even to this day in other forms.
5. What is her biggest hope/expectation for you? According to her, her biggest expectations are 1) for me to contribute to the promotion of Taiwan culture and heritage; 2) to have a great relationship with my significant other. That I don't have to struggle in life. I think it's for me to have a secure, happy life. I think her biggest hope for me is to dream big and do what makes me most happy and at peace. The Taiwanese classic – Marriage. To become really successful and involved. Also to be a strong woman and independent, but not work so hard that everyone just dumps their responsibilities on my shoulders. That I will one day be "successful" and "happy" in life, married with children of course. That I get married and have kids. At first she was terrified that I’d get pregnant. Now she’s hopes I won’t marry too young, or to the wrong man. And that I will be financially stable and be safe.
6. What is your biggest hope/expectation for her? To have the chance to travel around Taiwan and travel around the world with her. That she can relax and travel to Taiwan more often, rather than every couple of years. One more thing is that I wish she would feel more empowered to speak for herself and not get taken advantage of. I really dislike, more like hate it, when people take advantage of her. That she'll continue to be active into old age--right now she's very active in her Buddhist group, with her work, and volunteering. My biggest hope for her is that she continues to always be strong and empowered, to speak out and fight for what she believes. I hope she’ll someday be more understanding of the integration with American culture and be able to accept who the kids are as successful people and not base success on having a spouse and family. To be healthy and happy To always be very involved and HAVE FUN in everything that she does. I want her to be happy and look to enjoy life- not just make other people happy. That she will one day understand how I define the term "successful" and "happy" in life. That she will be proud of me one day. And forgive me for all the hurt I’ve caused her. That she's not poor when she gets old. That she’ll pay off her mortgage. That she's healthy. And I hope she'll get to travel the world and see all the things I'm seeing right now.
7. What language did you speak at home? Taiwanese and English Taiwanese Mostly Taiwanese; Mandarin; a few words of Japanese. Taiwanese/Mandarin/English- an assortment of all three My parents spoke to each other in Taiwanese, but to us kids in English.
8. When did you have your first boyfriend, did you ever date a non-Asian? No, but it’s mostly because I relate better to Asians. In high school, my junior year. My mom thought I was too young. She kept telling me not to be so “open”, she would say, “don’t be so open, you shouldn’t be so open.” Open? Open? What did that mean? So I said, “yeah yeah, ok ma, I won’t.” When my Chinese got better, I realized the word she was looking for was “loose.” She was terrified I’d get pregnant. My mom felt like she married too young. She went to Tai Da, and she’s super sharp, really really smart. She manages all the money in our family. But she stayed at home to raise us kids. I think I’ve always sensed that regret in her. I have dated non-Asians, however my parents are pretty open-minded and I don’t think they minded too much. Interestingly, they always seemed less open if I were to date a Chinese guy (that is, family origin from the Mainland.) If I am going to date an Asian, I get the sense that they prefer that he to be of Taiwanese or Japanese descent. As long as he’s not Korean, my parents don’t care. Or black, I don’t think my parents would like me to date a black or Hispanic guy. I actually have a story about that – when my first boyfriend, who was white, came over and met my Ah Ma, she laughed and said, “ah well, at least he’s not black.” I was about to protest, but my mom gave me this look that was like, “don’t pursue this.” But then Ah Ma said that he had big ears, and that was good luck. “Big ears means big money” she said. My first real boyfriend was when I was a freshman in college. He was from Hong Kong . My Mom hated him because he seemed arrogant. My first boyfriend was when I was 16. My parents were furious. They were worried my studies would suffer, that I’d get pregnant, etc etc. He was white, but I don’t think that was an issue. He was patient and talked to my mom, and my mom ended up really liking him. I’ve never dated an Asian guy, let alone a Taiwanese guy. I think I’m too Americanized.
9. If so, what do your parents think about that? What do you think about that? They strongly objected, and I didn't understand that when I was younger. Well, since none of them ever went to boyfriend status, I felt there wasn't ever a need to take them home, until it was serious. I think the trick is to wait until you're *cough cough* almost 30 (well, for me not by choice but by default) and they're a whole lot less pickier, they just want you to date period. (Even though they STILL give you guilt trips for going out.) I'm sure they've wondered if I was "Lebanese." But I think my parents are more open minded, my grandparents and relatives are another story. My mom wonders how I can be a part of so many Taiwanese organizations and not have met a Taiwanese guy. (Yeah, I wonder that too.) ;p Actually, I would like to meet a Taiwanese to help retain culture but since none are beating one another with a stick to meet me, alas I am still single. My parents withheld their thoughts at first, but I knew they weren’t particularly keen on the idea. I don’t think my parents care, as long as he isn’t a loser. Like, he has to make good money, treat me well of course, and be respectful to elders. I think my parents would rather I marry an Asian guy. I used to think that was racist, but now I understand. You don’t have to explain everything to a guy if he has that part in common with you. He knows the difference between Chinese and Taiwanese, and he will be respectful to your parents and won’t put them in a nursing home when they get old.
10. Were you encouraged to pursue certain professions or did you have a choice in your career? Were your parents supportive? Yes, in a professional career. But not to pursue the arts/theatre. Well, on my Dad's side of the family there was always one doctor in the family. Sadly, our generation, there isn't anyone. I think in one point of my life, I had considered this as a potential option, this was when I was a straight A student … ah how that has changed. Many, many arguments and battles in the teenager years. Some things I admit I did wrong and some things my mom admit she could have done better. I had a choice. I think they were glad I made it to college, because I had gotten a little lost, stress and burnt out in high school so decided to go to a junior college but I no longer had the grades. Was originally going to go to an art school but that changed when I transferred to UCLA. Currently, I work for a nonprofit and my parents seem supportive. My mom clips out both mainstream and ethnic newspapers I'm in so I know she's proud of me, especially when relatives and friends call to say they saw me in the newspaper or on TV. My mom just wishes I was in a job that pays better because she doesn't want to see me struggle and it doesn't help that my Ah Ma always ask what other jobs I'm looking for. Both of them ask how I can work for nonprofit when I can speak the both Taiwanese and Mandarin so poorly. Luckily, I did have a choice in my career though I come from a family of overachieving doctors. Literally, every single person spanning generations back have been doctors. I think some of my extended family are intrigued and curious as to why I do nonprofit work, and many assume/encourage that instead of medical school that I should then consider law school. But my parents have never minded, despite not really understanding what it is that I do. They just want me to do something that makes me happy. I left for the US to get a Master's in American and English literature. My mother wished I could have majored in Taiwanese literature since she has a very strong Taiwanese identity. But she respected my choice. Pretty much a choice, but an encouraged push towards business. They said I did, but I certainly didn’t feel like I had a choice. I’ve changed my career from business to literature, and there has been a lot of bitterness on both sides because of it.
11. Is your definition of success the same as your parents? No. Yes and no. They just don't want to see me struggle. Since I'm working for a nonprofit, I currently reside back at home. Yes, rockin' at 29 at home, sooo not cool. My mom wants to see me married, the topic comes out more often now cuz I'm getting "older." I think both my parents and my opinion of success aren't too different, they have some traditional points of views which are valid, some I agree on and some I don't. Overall, they let me be, most of the times. I can be very stubborn. I guess their definition of success would be to do something well, something that makes you happy and provides enough to sustain your way of living. I agree. I think they sometimes worry that I don’t make enough money, but deep down they know I make enough to support myself and live okay – maybe not to their standards, but enough for myself. For my father I don't know since I’m not close to him. For my mother I would say yes since she supports and agrees with my big dream in life: to be able to establish a cultural charity foundation that would make a difference for Taiwan and people in Taiwan. I probably have a higher expectation of myself than my parents have of me. They are the foundation for my definition of success, but I push everyone and myself the extra 20%. I wish my parents would have emphasized more on a moral and spiritual success rather than financial success. I also think success is being good at what you decide to do, and helping people. I think my parents’ idea of success is based too much on money. I have a house, a car, and a great job, but all my mother ever asks me is, “how come you don’t have boyfriend yet? When you gonna get married?” She even bought me a water bra because she thought that was the problem.
12. Did your parents ever care about your body - whether you were too fat or too skinny? Yes, when I was younger they thought I was too skinny. Now, as an adult, I’m not skinny enough Haven't been too skinny for a long, long time. Yes, baby got too much back now. They tell me I need to work out more or just plain work out. Lately, my jeans are waay too tight and having more than one chin isn't too sexy. She says I would be much more attractive, if I lost a few pounds, which I don't agree. Ironically, she always puts more food on my plate, which doesn't really help. I want to get more fit so I have a much more healthier lifestyle, so I'm not in shock when my doctor tells me I need to go on a diet. Plus both my Ah Ma's got diabetes later in life so I need to watch myself because I love my sweets and I would like to enjoy them later in life. No, body issues were not a problem in my household. They did worry when I first became vegetarian when I was 15, but I have always ate healthy and enough so I did not loose weight. The first thing I hear when I’m back from college or a couple months away is a comment on my appearance. I mostly don’t like when I go to Asia and everyone says that I’m not fat, I’m just ‘strong’… :)
13. Why did you join NATWA II, what do you hope NATWA II will do for you? Since I start to work in the Taiwanese American community, I understand that there are gaps among 1, 1.5, and 2nd generations. Many 1 st generation base Taiwanese American organizations are thinking of ways to bridge the gap and to attract 1.5 and 2nd generations to community events. I joined NATWA II because I support its being proactive to bridge the gap. To create friendships, to create a supporting network by knowing other young professional Taiwanese American women I joined NATWA II to become connected to other young Taiwanese American females who are interested in the same political issues, and other cultural issues surrounding our generation of women. NATWA II also helped sponsor my observation tour with FAPA for the 2006 Mayoral Elections. Opportunity to meet more folks and build a stronger Taiwanese American community, plus we know all the good work is done by the women. We wear the pants. ;p I became involved in NATWA II to re-connect with my heritage. I also was looking for a place to meet other Taiwanese American/Canadian women who are in similar stages of their life, to find a support network. And I believe in NATWA's mission to promote gender equality and the leadership of women. I attended the 2006 NATWA convention mainly to spend time with my Mom. It turned out to be a wonderful way to learn and feel the amazing energy of other empowered women like my mother and meet a new and younger generation of Taiwanese women like me. I am interested in attending the NATWA II program to see old friends and meet new ones alike. Network with other Taiwanese American women. I wanted to get more exposure and network with Taiwanese women and Taiwanese people to get a better grasp of my heritage and community. I applied for the NATWA II scholarship to become more involved with the Taiwanese American community in the US , as well as to join my mother and sister in the NATWA family to celebrate our culture and heritage. Hopefully I’ll get to meet and network with several NATWA II sisters to join together and work towards all of these goals! NATWA gave me a scholarship to attend the convention last year and I have been active in it since. I believe strongly in bridging the generational and cultural gap between Taiwanese parents and their children. Since I’ve joined, it has helped me come to terms with what it means to be Taiwanese, and it has helped me understand my mother and her generation better. -end- |
Please direct comments and questions to natwa2@natwa.com